Merry Christmas, happy holidays and a happy new year.
I’m enjoying the novelity of the first few days of the year, as much as I enjoy – new clothes, a new hairdo, visiting new places. It’s been a month since I last posted, I’ve been holidaying. It’s always surprising to me the copious amount of stuff that can happen in just four weeks. I have moved from fatigued and exhausted to centered and well-rested; from missing home to being home and ready to face another stint away; I’ve laughed till my chest ached and I’ve cried till my throat was sore; I’ve had quiet restful days and I’ve had long activity-full days; I’ve felt low and despondent and then I have felt renewed, restored and reassured. Yap, the kind of stuff that has seen me send out A LOT of thoughts and prayers.
Like, Lord save me from “envy”. For some reason the grass always seems greener on the other side. Myself and I are in constant conversation…assessing, comparing, grading….a horrible thinking pattern that I’ve just got to give up. Just the other day I realized just how many of my problems, personal failings, doubts come about when I compare myself to others. Lord, save me from the green-eyed monster and help me see the value of what you have created in me.
Oh Lord save me, from “old habits” – from ways of being that entrap me. Like pushing to tomorrow what I would rather not do today. I cannot even begin to list the number of things that have fallen to this from thesis corrections, to delayed emails to grand writing projects…Oh that I would realize that if I do the difficult today, tomorrow I may very well do the impossible. Oh that I may learn to keep walking, keep working, keep trying, keep talking…remembering that the path I take is the one you have carefully selected for me.
Lord, save me from the “self-destruct” button. Which for me shows itself in anything from drowning myself in DVDs to wasting my time on what-I-already-know to be dodgy friendships. Sometimes it feels easier to be focusing on anything other than the fear, worry, sadness that grips me. Oh that ‘when the mountains seem so big, and my faith is just so small’, I would learn to run toward you, Lord.
Lord save me from “wanting what I want” even when you clearly have different plans for me. I can be quite stubborn; I don’t change dreams easily. Like, I don’t give up on friendships, even when the other party has clearly long moved on. Recently I had an interaction with a long-lost friend that made me give thanks for every day we have not been in contact. Sometimes God really is protecting and saving me from stuff that’s not good for me. Oh Lord, make me grateful for what you have given me.
Lord save me from the “me-first syndrome”, the overrated satisfaction of being fast or first. Oh what folly there is in being the first to discover something, the first to see or know about it, the first to experience it. Lord you who controls my seasons, cause me to live comfortably in your timing for me.
Lord save me from “pegging my happiness to one thing”. Like, I will be happy when I get that job, when I spend time with my friends and family, when I memorize all the psalms, when I lose 5 more kilos. No….no…help me choose to be happy today…to learn to joy in today’s great moments.
Lord save me from the lie that “I am all alone”….for I am never alone. You are always with me. Keep causing me to see you in the kindness of those around me, in answered prayers, in the ever-inspiring coastal scenery, in the extra mile I run, in the movies I enjoyed, in the work I have successfully completed. Lord, help me see you all around me and be confident in your unfailing love and provision for all of my needs.
As I pray these and many other prayers, I am reminded to be gracious with myself, for I am a work-in progress, His work – my progress :-). Keep sending up those prayers and thoughts to God. He is listening, willing and able to do something about them.
Song of the week – Deitrick Haddon – He’s able
God is able to do just what he said he would do,
He’s gonna fullfill every promise to you,
Don’t give up on God, cause he won’t give up on you,